i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
