By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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