His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
