I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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