farters have to be the big spoon...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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