I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
