I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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