Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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