So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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