Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my being single is dangerous.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
