Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
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It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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