This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Randomize
