How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
