WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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