Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize