At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
