Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
