my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
