What did we do last night that was yellow?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
