why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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