Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
