I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
