Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
