you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
