if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
