I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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