somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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