I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
