There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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