I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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