That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
