sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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