She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
