It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize