sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
