I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
