He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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