I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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