And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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