I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
