it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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