I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
