DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
