where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
