I'm jealous of your bromance
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
