Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
