Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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