I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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