I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
