You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
