im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
