He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
