i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
