ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
