Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
