i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
