I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
