I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
