I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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