Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
