I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
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My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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