well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
