We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
