I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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