I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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