I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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