I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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