You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
