I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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