no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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