you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
