There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
