is your mom at the bar?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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