i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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