i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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