If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
