At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
