so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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