I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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