3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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