He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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