I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
