If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
