worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
